Seven Steps to Irritating Habits

I don’t fancy it as a special talent, but I can be very irritating. But then so can Ekta Kapoor. Anyway, in my case people strangely enjoyed it as a challenge. Whatever be the reason for their reactions, it just made try harder and develop some fancy observations about people. Yes I did I have a really sad childhood in case you are wondering. But it certainly seems like a lot of people missed having one.

So this is Roflin guide to irritating people and still let you hang around with them. Very important to a successful life in the society in general.

The Handbook of Irritativenability

(Roflin invents words yes.)

In this post we will cover the basics of the game. Some classical stuff that we are all aware of but never practice.

• The Stare Attack

Yea right, as if you want me to explain this one. Of course, don’t do this with pretty girls, I don’t even understand why you would want to irritate pretty girls.


• The Stamping Feet

While waiting with someone somewhere, ask them to look at something to your right, point at it. And then slowly stamp their feet. They will look at you, say sorry, take the feet, they will say alright. Get back to the topic of pointing and then stamping. They will look at you and smile (aha I caught you kind), you also smile..the apology one (ok you won). Repeat again.. and repeat again for added pleasure. You win when they try to stamp you back.

• The Mistaken Identity

Start a conversation with someone. In between start calling them Rahul (assuming you are not talking to a Rahul). Use while talking something serious for best results. Change the name when it gets stale.

• The Incomplete Man..Since 1985

Well this is not something with relation to Anatomy and related problems. You have to go to Mr. C. Brutus for that. It is about leaving sentences incomplete. Or better still start a gossip and then go like ..”otherwise leave it” or the eternal “arre chhod yaar“. The pleasure is sustained only upon persistence in delaying the inevitable… which is completing what you started.

• The Classic Misdirection

The Bollywood favourite. Tell people they are wrong when they say exactly what you are saying. Requires high irritability level to sustain beyond 26 seconds. Roflin’s personal record is 33. Thank you very much.

• Talk In Your Native Tongue

Yesterday Rofu called Kailashnath parba, his peejay production partner and started ranting Rajnikanth dialogues.
“Aandavan sollare, Arunachalam Muddikare”
“Yen perru Padayappa, ilavate nadayapa enoda uladelam edutukonga pandayapa…padayapa padayapa.”
“B to the A to the B to the A .. Baba is here to stay” (just for his sanity’s sake)

And then I hung up the phone. Kailash came running and started aplogising profusely wanting to know what he had done. Nowadays he thinks I am out to kill him.

You can use this while passing important and sensitive information that the other person really wants to know. Like college timings for example. Blurt out in your amma’s tongue what he wants to know.

• The Cricket Antagonist in India

There are two things that people in India generally love to hate. One is the good ol’ Bihari the other the cricket antagonist.. people who don’t care about cricket. They hate him even more when he tries to justify his opinion or worse still gives his opinion on the Indian Cricket team.

The best ploy is to watch a match while launching a diatribe against the game. Cheer during occasional intervals before settling back to blaming it for the poor state of India.

You cordially invited to share the results of these experiments in the larger interests of the society.

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